In this current dating climate, it’s tempting to ask a date for his birth certificate, social insurance number and criminal clearance certificate during your first encounter.
Yes, there is a less abrasive way to detect and weed out the wackjobs from the Mr. Wonderfuls without you appearing as Crazy Eyes.
When you first meet someone, the initial attraction can be based on superficial and materialistic qualities that are fun and exciting at that time. In fact, he may have some of the traits from your general checklist including pays income tax, drives a Ferrari and knows the difference between a Malbec vs. Merlot.
But these aren’t necessarily the qualities that you are looking for in someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I first heard about non-negotiables from Patti Stanger aka Millionaire Matchmaker. She has a TV show about her matchmaking business based in Los Angeles looking for love for her high-end and high-demanding clients.
Patti compares qualifying a potential long-term partner to buying a house. When you’re looking for your dream home, what are some deal-breaking characteristics?
A big backyard, hardwood floors, a hot Latino pool boy?
Translate into the dating world, these are traits and qualities that a man MUST possess in order for them to be a prospect in the future hubby pool based on your core values – a set of fundamental beliefs that will guide you to the right decision and direction while maintaining your integrity.
By identifying the key qualifications and saying hasta la vista to the guys who fall below the bar will get you quicker to your happily ever after.
Ideally, your non-negotiable list includes five characteristics. Otherwise, the longer the list … the longer it will take to find your Holy Grail of a man.
Here are some areas to consider when compiling your list:
Religion – If you are seeking a partner who shares the same religious beliefs then this deal-breaker is a no-brainer.
Children – If your partner thinks children is Satan’s spawn and you have always imagine reading Love You Forever to your children then this is pretty much a black and white deal-breaker. Don’t stick around and hope that his mind will change.
Personality – If you love to laugh then you want to be with someone who has a sense of humour. Or maybe you are done with the sophomoric type of guys and prefer to connect with someone on a deeper and more serious level. Perhaps your mantra is “spontaneity is a spice of life” so you want someone who can pack a bag and travel at a moment’s notice.
Lifestyle – If your social calendar is filled with work parties, brunch with friends, restaurant openings and charitable events then you may want to find someone who can hold a conversation with others. Or you’re a homebody and looking for someone who will enjoy scrolling the documentary list on Netflix on a Saturday night. If you categorize shopping as cardio then perhaps the seven-time marathon runner is not the man for you.
Appearance – Undoubtedly, physical attraction is important and part of the overall package when selecting a mate. It’s not being shallow … it’s being realistic. Think about height, hair color, body type (slim, average, athletic or a big cuddly teddy bear) and hair style (Bradley Cooper vs. Bruce Willis).
Exploring each other’s values, interests and opinions is such an exciting part of dating. It may seem like detective work but this allows you to set boundaries to what you want and don’t want in a partner without compromising your values.
Because at the end of the day, isn’t this the type of everlasting, profound, unconditional love we are all looking for?
Leave a comment below with your list of non-negotiables!